i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
