Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm sobbing to NWA
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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