Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
