you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
