So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
