Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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