when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
