If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize