NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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