I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
