we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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