So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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