he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
