Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish i was in the wii world.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
