party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
