he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
