Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
