wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
