Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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