his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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