Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
