Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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