He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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