Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize