No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
