I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
