i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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