We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
