plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
