Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
