Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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