Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize