Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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