the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize