i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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