What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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