dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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