I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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