Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
