just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hippo gnu deer
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
