I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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