very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
