We're facebook friends in real life
you guys were way drunker than both of me
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
