"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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