she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
