The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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