So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize