You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
