I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
