He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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