I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
