i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
