The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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