Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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