My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
