I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
