goodnight i made you a song goodbye
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize