how can u be prego again
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
