I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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