I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
