I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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