when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
