I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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