She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
