There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
