So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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