Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize