i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
