Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize