..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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