Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
