I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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