nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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