anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
time to smoke my breakfast
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
