O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
zippers are such a cool invention
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize