After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
