Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
our cab driver is having phone sex.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
